Through Love's Eyes Page 12
“I like to hang out in the library when I have time. I read it somewhere. So, did you like that I pulled you into me when we kissed?” Brit surprised her with her change of subject.
“Yes, I did. I liked it a lot, but it surprised me. I don’t ever want to do anything that makes you uncomfortable, but I hope you’ll do that again.” She finished her pasty and sat back in her chair.
Brit opened the bag of fudge and handed her a piece before she took one. “Would you like to go to the carriage museum today instead of riding bikes? It’s indoors, and I think it’s a pretty cool place.”
“Let’s do it.” She looked forward to seeing the history of carriages but wasn’t sure it would be enough to distract her from the feel of Brit’s body against hers when they’d kissed. And she wanted it to happen again, soon. Her sexual encounters with women were usually quick and simple, and she hadn’t had to wait to enjoy someone in a long time. The anticipation, the sense of old-fashioned courtship, was nice.
* * *
Erika enjoyed the carriage museum more than she’d expected. The antique coaches and carriages on display varied in shapes and sizes. She listened to Brit talk about the designs and their purpose. Brit had taken her hand somewhere during their stroll, which surprised her but made her smile. She glanced at the few couples seated at small tables sharing conversation and a cup of coffee. A few looked their way, smiled, and turned away. This was a new, and pleasant, experience. She had gotten so used to being in the spotlight and recognized wherever she went, she’d never had the opportunity to know what it was like to blend in. To just be another tourist on vacation. It had bothered her just a few days ago, but now, on her own, she liked the peace of it. She squeezed Brit’s hand, causing her to turn toward her and smile. She looked comfortable as they continued through the building and the end of the display. “Can I buy you a cup of coffee?” she asked.
“Sounds good.” She led them to one of the small tables in a corner away from the growing crowd trying to escape the rain.
She watched Brit for a moment before asking, “Are you okay being here with all these people?” She remembered how Brit ducked her head and turned away quickly when she’d first arrived on the island and George’s words about her coming out of her shell since.
Brit offered a small smile and shrugged one shoulder. “I figure I’m with the most beautiful woman in the place. That’s probably who they’ll stare at instead of me.”
Erika smiled to hide the edge of pain the simple words sent through her. She knew she was beautiful. She’d been told that her whole life and had been groomed to make it her life’s work to take advantage of it. Her outer shell was the example of perfection in the modeling world, and it had defined who she was since childhood. She sat back in her chair and allowed the familiar, but unexpected, disappointment to wash over her. She’d begun to believe she and Brit shared a connection and feelings beyond skin deep. Maybe she misjudged her instincts. Maybe Brit enjoyed the shell, but knew from their shared past that what lay beneath it wasn’t all that nice.
Brit frowned and tipped her head. “What’s wrong? Did I upset you?” She took her hands in hers across the table and looked distressed. “Do you want to leave?”
Erika shook her head, certain the threatening tears would fall if she spoke.
“You look so sad. I did say something, didn’t I?” Brit looked close to tears, too.
“I’m okay.” How could she tell Brit to look deeper, to see her for more than just a pretty face? It had to come from her belief there was more to her worth seeing, and Erika had tried to show her that she wasn’t that same spoiled, angry teenager anymore. But what if Brit couldn’t see that? What if their past would always lay between them?
Chapter Twenty-nine
Brittany tried to concentrate on the carryout menu Erika handed her, but her thoughts strayed. She could tell she was upset about something but couldn’t figure out what. They were enjoying the day, and then sadness shadowed her like a cloud. Brittany mentally went over everything she said but couldn’t figure it out. She’d been trying to figure out what to do or say to cheer her up since they’d returned to Erika’s room to order dinner. She tossed the menu aside and pulled Erika into her arms. “Please, tell me what’s wrong. I can’t stand to see you upset.”
Erika sighed and pulled her into the bedroom, pushed her onto the bed, and dropped next to her. She rested her head on her shoulder and placed her arm across her body.
Brittany froze, unsure what she was supposed to do. She instinctively wrapped her arms around her. They lay still until Erika’s warm tears soaked her shirt. She pulled her closer and kissed her temple. “What’s wrong? Please talk to me.”
Erika sniffled and Brittany reached to her bed stand for a tissue. She blew her nose.
“I’m sorry, Brit. I’m just so afraid I’ll never work again. Peter hasn’t contacted me, and you called me beautiful, so that’s probably all you see when you look at me, and I’ll probably never work again. I’m nothing without my looks.” She snorted, trying to get her breath, then began to cry again.
Brittany blinked a few times trying to make sense of Erika’s words. She wrapped her arms around her when more tears rolled down her cheeks. “Why do you think the only thing I see when I look at you is your beauty? You’re beautiful inside and out to me. You’re gentle, generous, and caring. I saw you pay twice for those T-shirts you bought, and I watched you with the horses. I noticed your hesitancy at first, but anyone willing to push past their fear to get close to a horse shows a courageous and gentle heart. You’ve become important to me, Erika. You’re scared that you won’t get more work and go back to New York, and I’m scared you will.”
Erika covered her face with her hands. A deep frown creased her smooth forehead. “I’ve been holding all this in for so long, I guess I just had a meltdown. I’m sorry I’m being so sensitive.”
Brittany imagined Erika had been holding the fear of not being good enough deep in a corner of her heart for her whole life. She remembered their first kiss as twelve-year-olds. Erika had been pushed hard by her parents to be the best, the prettiest, the most graceful, the most mature. They’d put up with her friendship with Brittany, but she’d always known they wished she was prettier, more in Erika’s league. And then the accident had happened, and everything had changed. “I’ve got an idea.” She sat up, took her hand, and tugged her off the bed. “Let’s run away from home.”
* * *
Brittany walked quickly, never letting go of Erika’s hand as they followed the path to her apartment. She pulled her to the couch once they entered, pleased to see a smile spread across Erika’s face. “Sit for a minute. I’ll be right back.” She went to her bedroom closet and retrieved a small suitcase. She set it on the couch between them and opened it.
“Oh my gosh.” Erika reached for the pad of drawing paper underneath the puzzle pieces. “I can’t believe you still have these.”
Brittany laughed. “My mom gave this to me when I moved. I had no idea she’d kept this stuff.” She picked up the box of drawing pencils, took one, and handed one to Erika. “Shall we draw pictures?” She moved the coffee table and put the drawing pads on the floor. Together, they sprawled out, pencils in hand, and sat quietly drawing for a few minutes before Brittany stood to get two bottles of water. “Do you like Cornish hens?” she asked.
“I do.” Erika looked up from her drawing.
“I’ve got a couple in the refrigerator. Shall I put them in the oven?” Brittany was happy to see Erika look relaxed and smiling.
“Sounds good to me.” She stood to look out the window. “I like that we won’t have to go back out in the rain. It looks like it’s letting up a little, though.” Erika settled onto the couch and picked up her pencil when her phone pinged. She scrambled to pull it out of her pocket and stared at it for a minute. She looked up and shrugged. “It’s finally Peter. He texted me to let me know he’s trying, but Naturalé still wants me, and I should seriously consider i
t. The same thing he’s been saying for weeks.” She leaned her head back on the couch and closed her eyes.
Brittany could see Erika struggle to stay composed, but she didn’t have any more memory-filled suitcases to offer. She sat on the couch next to her and rested her arm across her shoulders. Erika leaned against her and remained quiet. She tried to think of comforting words but couldn’t come up with any. Telling her at least Peter had gotten in touch sounded lame. Erika had a big decision to make, and she hoped she’d have the strength to support her, whatever she decided.
* * *
“You didn’t have to walk me back, you know.” Erika grinned and squeezed her hand. “But I’m glad you did.” She tossed her room key on the table and went to the bar. “I’m going to have a glass of wine. Would you like one?”
Brittany hesitated. Maybe the wine would help her sleep and keep her from obsessing about Erika leaving. “Sure, thanks.” She took the offered glass and held it up for a toast. “To drawing pictures.”
Erika smiled and their glasses clinked. She took a sip before speaking. “Thank you for today, Brit. I appreciate your efforts to cheer me up. I’m sorry, again, for my breakdown.”
Brittany took her hand and led her to the couch. “You don’t have to apologize for anything. I was thinking. What about endorsements? I see models in magazines and on TV recommending makeup and face creams and shampoos. You could do something like that, couldn’t you?” She stopped talking, certain she’d overstepped her boundaries.
Erika set her glass on the end table. “Thanks for the support. I’m still holding out hope that Peter can find me something, even in a new magazine like the one we just finished here. I’m sure he’s looking into endorsements too. I’ll try to refrain from panicking until I’m sure there’s cause.” She slid her hand behind her neck and pulled her into a kiss.
Brittany set her wine glass on the end table and leaned into the kiss. She rested her hands on Erika’s thighs. They were solid and strong, like Erika. The muscles flexed under her fingers and she forced herself to remember to breathe. She pulled her down on the couch until she was lying on top of Erika, and their legs intertwined. The length of Erika beneath her, her breasts against hers, caused her nipples to tighten and her center throbbed. She lost herself in the feelings, surprised by their intensity. She feared passing out when Erika skimmed her lips with her tongue. She became aware, through a haze of feelings, of Erika squirming beneath her. She instantly pushed away, fearing she was hurting her, but Erika shifted beneath her and turned to the side. She found herself trapped between Erika and the back of the couch, and she never wanted to be set free.
Chapter Thirty
Erika was torn between giving in to her intensifying desire and rolling off the couch. Brit murmured, and her resolve not to go too far weakened. She kissed her harder and groaned when Brit responded by meeting the kiss with her tongue. She rolled over, pinning Brit beneath her on the couch. It would only take a small move to cradle her breasts in her hands, and she shifted so her knee and thigh rested between Brit’s. A little pressure and she could send her over the edge, and she wanted to. But she wanted more with Brit. She wanted a shared experience. Brit meant more to her than a one-night stand, and she’d be going back to New York as soon as Peter found work for her. She kissed her softly one last time and carefully slipped off the couch. She worked to collect herself and sat on the floor until Brit rested her warm hand on her shoulder.
“Are you okay?” Erika asked.
“I don’t think I can stand, much less walk, but I suppose I’m okay,” Brit said.
Erika stood to retrieve their abandoned wine glasses and sat next to her. She took a sip to calm herself before speaking. “I didn’t expect that. I’m sorry if I took you by surprise.”
“But it was a pleasant surprise.” Brit beamed. “Please don’t feel as if you need to say you’re sorry, because I’m not. I love feeling you so close to me.” She finished her wine and set the glass down. “I should be going, I guess. I’ve got to work in the morning. Before I forget, though. Remember I told you there was a place I wanted to take you off the island?”
Erika nodded, not entirely trusting her voice yet.
“I volunteer at the burn unit at Community General Hospital every so often. Would you like to go with me? The kids would absolutely love to have a famous model visit.”
Erika hesitated. She’d love to see the facility she’d been helping to support for the past twenty years. It was her personal atonement for her role in Brit’s torment after her accident, though she’d never mentioned it. “I’d love to go with you. Do you think we’d have time for some shopping as well?”
“The day after tomorrow I have time off and we’ll make a day of it.” Brit kissed her quickly but hesitated. She pulled her against her until their bodies melded and kissed her, lingering on her lips. She held her until their breathing returned to normal before leaving. Her smile was bright and she looked so happy.
How could Erika hurt her again?
* * *
Erika changed into her nightshirt and poured herself another glass of wine. She sat by the window to gaze at the water. She struggled with her feelings for Brit. Tonight could have been a huge mistake. She didn’t want to lead her on and give her false hope for their future because she didn’t know what that looked like. She had feelings for Brit, she knew that, but they both had lives so far removed from each other, and she couldn’t see how it would end. What if Peter found work for her tomorrow? She could be halfway around the world by the end of the week, with no way of knowing when she’d be back in this part of the country. The pang of anxiety surprised her. She wanted to work. She needed to work. But where did that leave them?
Long distance relationships didn’t work. Or, at least they didn’t work for her. Not knowing when you’d next see each other, only speaking when there was time. No, that wasn’t a relationship, and it wasn’t one she’d subject Brittany to. This had to stay what it was. A wonderful, romantic flirtation that would end with Erika leaving and Brittany moving on with her life.
* * *
Erika shook out the wrinkles from a blouse she found in the bottom of her suitcase. She smoothed her hands over it after she put it on until she felt comfortable enough to wear it to the dining room. No one paid attention to her here, and that meant she could afford to not be perfect. It was a novel feeling that surprised her. Was she letting go of her need for the intense attention of modeling? Could she accept being out of the limelight if Peter didn’t find her work?
She drank her coffee while deciding what to do until Brit got off work and settled on a walk into town, grateful the rain had stopped overnight. She put a tip on the table and left. She waved to the owner as she passed the fudge shop and waved again to the owner of the T-shirt store. A large magazine rack inside caught her attention. She perused the publications until one cover stood out. “Smooth bronze skin, charcoal brown eyes, and perfect smile.” Peter’s words echoed in her mind. She bought the magazine, took it to a shady area with a park bench, and sat to read it.
“I’ll be damned.” She read and reread it. The photo featured Peter with his new model. The photograph showed him grinning broadly with his arm wrapped around the nineteen-year-old. The upcoming, exciting, new, young model from blah, blah blah blah. She began to toss the magazine in a trash bin but changed her mind at the last minute and stomped back to the hotel.
She tossed the magazine on the table and sat on the couch for a few minutes to calm down and collect herself before she tried to call Peter. She had no hopes of the call going through, but she had to try. She waited as it rang several times. She was about to disconnect when his voice mail came on. “Peter. What the hell is going on? You’re supposed to be looking for work for me. I just found you in a magazine with that new model. I know you have to keep working and take care of yourself, but please call me back, or text, and let me know what’s happening.” She disconnected the call and left for a long walk.
; Erika returned to her room sweating and exhausted. She’d walked as fast as she could up and down the hills of the island, unsure how far she’d gone, but she had kept walking until she finally reached a place of calm. She didn’t know what she would do if Peter abandoned her. Was he even looking for work for her? Had he given up on her and decided to give all the main jobs to his new star? No. She had a contract with him. She couldn’t fathom that he’d turn on her that way, but the thoughts wouldn’t go away. She stripped and stepped into the shower. She turned the water on hot and allowed it to melt away some of her distress. She put on a clean bra and pair of Victoria Secret’s panties and wrapped herself in one of the hotel’s plush robes. She made herself a cup of coffee and picked up the magazine to do a further review.
Half an hour later, Erika became aware of her rumbling stomach. She’d missed lunch so she called to order some food and dressed while she was waiting. She finished her lunch and checked the time. Brit was due in an hour, but they hadn’t made any firm plans. She hoped she’d be up for a quiet evening. Maybe she could talk her into another picnic by the water. That sounded soothing, and she needed soothing.
Chapter Thirty-one
Brittany dropped onto her couch exhausted. George had to leave early so she had taken two full carriages on island tours. She reflected on the fact that she’d been comfortable on the carriage runs and hadn’t felt anyone staring at her. Was she becoming more comfortable with herself, or had she been overly sensitive until now? She didn’t mind that she had to clean all the stalls alone, but she looked forward to seeing Erika and had hoped to leave early. At least she had the next day off. She rose to grab a bottled water and drank the whole thing. It had been a long day, and she hoped Erika would agree to a quiet meal by the water. She took a quick shower and dressed and grabbed her jacket before heading out the door.