The Courage to Try Read online

  Jaylin closed her eyes and shook her head.

  “You all right? You seem…subdued.”

  “Yeah, I’m fine. Just a little down today, I guess. I’ll call Sarah and see if I can get any more information—”

  “You sit. I’ll go talk to her,” Kristen said. She squeezed Jaylin’s shoulders before going to talk to Sarah.

  Jaylin sat pondering for a while longer, then shook off her gloominess and went in search of Kristen. She found her leaning against the wall next to Sarah’s desk, looking relaxed and sexy. Her smile and solid presence settled some of Jaylin’s disquiet. Before she was able to interrupt and find out about the emergency, the clinic door flew open, and a large man rushed in with a nearly lifeless dog cradled against his chest.

  Jaylin switched to trauma status. The dog’s head moved slightly. It was alive. Barely.

  “This way,” she said. Jaylin led the man to the surgery room and noted that Kristen was already setting up the surgical kit and an IV bag. The dog was a large mixed breed, its fur matted to the skin. The man laid the dog on the stainless steel table, and the smell hit Jaylin before she saw the squirming fly larvae. “Fuck.” The word slipped out before she had a chance to harness the rage bubbling from her core. She’d seen many cases of animal abuse in her years of practicing veterinary medicine, but each one caused the same reaction. She mumbled an apology to the client and began the process of assessing her patient.

  Maggots covered the multitude of sores on the skinny, abused animal. Jaylin turned to Kristen, who already had her stethoscope resting on the dog’s side.

  “Weak heartbeat, shallow breath sounds. God, he’s in bad shape.” Kristen shook her head and looked as angry as Jaylin felt.

  Jaylin checked his pale gums and felt his femoral artery for a pulse. “Weak pulse. I don’t think he’s going to make it. He’s severely anemic, dehydrated, and malnourished. Is this your dog?” Jaylin glared at the man who had brought the dog in.

  “No. He’s my neighbor’s dog. The jerk ties the poor thing up in the backyard all year. I fill a bucket of water for him when I can get back there. I don’t know how long he’s been like this, but I couldn’t stand to let him just lie there and die. Was I too late to save him?”

  Jaylin watched as Kristen shaved a spot on his front leg to thread an IV needle. She then began the task of shaving away the matted hair around the area with the worst of the wounded skin. She carefully poured hydrogen peroxide on his hindquarter and wiped away a mass of maggots and hair. The neglected dog never flinched.

  “I don’t know yet if it’s too late. It’s early in the year to see this many fly larvae,” Jaylin said.

  “The idiot doesn’t clean up the dog’s droppings and he tosses bags of garbage out next to the dog’s area. It was buzzing with flies when I was there this morning.”

  “Thank you for bringing him in. If you don’t mind, please give your name and number to Sarah at the desk, and I’ll let you know what happens here. Leave her your neighbor’s address, too. I’m going to call the city animal control and report this as abuse. Your neighbor will be in trouble.”

  “I’d love to see him fined or something. His place is the dump of the neighborhood. I’d stay to see how the dog does, but I’ve got to get to work. Don’t forget to let me know about him?” The man gave the dog one last look before leaving.

  Jaylin’s day had started out gloomy, and it looked as if it was going to get worse. She worked with Kristen for the next hour, cleaning the dog and figuring out what it needed. After they had him stabilized on an IV and cleaned out his wounds, he seemed a little more responsive. Just as she was beginning to believe he might make it, he stopped breathing.

  “Damn it.” Jaylin listened intently for any sign of a heartbeat. “He’s gone.” Jaylin took off her stethoscope and stood back, shaking her head.

  Kristen walked around the table to Jaylin’s side. She placed her hand on Jaylin’s shoulder, and Jaylin tipped her head back, trying to hold back her tears.

  They stood that way for a few minutes before Kristen said, “I’ll take care of this. Why don’t you get some air?”

  Jaylin nodded and left the room. It was bad enough when an animal died from a disease or from an accident. But when one died from abuse, it crushed her. She went to her office and rested her head on her arms. She let her mind go blank.

  *

  “Come on. I’ll take you to lunch.” Kristen had moved the dog’s body to the large freezer used for holding animals until owners decided on burial or cremation and had cleaned up the surgery room and taken care of the paperwork, while she waited for Jaylin to call animal control. She’d felt as pissed as Jaylin at the cruelty they’d witnessed, but her heart ached at the tears Jaylin tried to hide. All she wanted to do was make her feel better.

  “Yeah. I need to get away from here for a while,” Jaylin said.

  “I’d suggest burgers and beer, but we have to come back for your afternoon appointments.”

  “Let’s go get a sandwich at Panera’s.”

  “Sounds good,” Kristen said.

  Kristen drove to the cafe and took the opportunity to look at Jaylin for a moment before gently grazing her cheek with the backs of her fingers to wake her.

  “I’m sorry. I fell asleep, didn’t I?” Jaylin tipped her head side to side as she spoke, rubbing her eyes with the backs of her hands.

  “It’s been a tough morning. Let’s go inside.” She followed Jaylin inside and pulled out Jaylin’s chair for her. “I’ve never eaten here before. Are their sandwiches good?”

  “I like them. So, I know about a place that you don’t, and I’ve only lived here a few weeks?” Jaylin smiled.

  “I guess so. I’m glad you’re settling in.” Kristen folded her arms in front of her on the table.

  “I am. I like it here. Well, this morning’s work wasn’t so pleasant, but I’m sure that will be the exception rather than the norm. Thanks for your help, by the way. I have a hard time keeping my cool when I see such blatant animal abuse. I just don’t understand it.”

  “I agree. I don’t get why people take responsibility for animals and then neglect them. I’ll go order our sandwiches. What would you like?”

  “A smoked turkey sandwich and an iced tea.”

  “You got it. Be right back.” Kristen went to place their order and returned to their table. “They said it would only be a few minutes. You doing okay?”

  “Yeah, I’ll be fine, it’s just that I haven’t seen anything that severe in years,” Jaylin said.

  “Your expletive to describe the dog’s owner was perfect. The fucker.”

  Jaylin laughed and Kristen sighed in relief. She liked hearing her laugh.

  “I think animal control will be picking up Doggie Doe this afternoon,” Jaylin said. She pinched the bridge of her nose. “I feel as if we’ve worked a full day already.”

  Kristen smiled. “Yeah, me, too.”

  “Well, I’m sure glad you were there to help me this morning. It was a sickening experience,” Jaylin said. She took a bite of her sandwich.

  “Yeah, but if that dog had lived, it would have been pretty cool. We would’ve been responsible for saving him.” Kristen surprised herself by continuing. “It’s interesting to me that I’m starting to enjoy working with animals smaller than a pony. I never thought I would. I guess I have you to thank for that, and for suggesting this sandwich.” She spoke between bites. “It’s good.”

  “I’m glad,” Jaylin said.

  Their ride back to the clinic was quiet. Jaylin put her head back on the seat and closed her eyes. Once again, Kristen gently touched Jaylin’s cheek to wake her when they arrived at the clinic.

  “Thank you,” Jaylin said. She spoke softly as she tilted her head into Kristen’s caress.

  “For what?”

  “For lunch, and for helping me.”

  “You’re welcome. I told you I’d do my best to help you. We had a rough morning, but we can look forward to the afternoon.” K
risten straightened in her seat and refrained from pulling Jaylin into her arms.

  *

  Jaylin relaxed into a familiar pace, soothed by the rhythm of her gait and swinging arms. She couldn’t settle down once she’d gotten home from the clinic, so she’d decided to take her dog for a walk. The day had continued to be busy, and after the way it had started, she’d been wound tight by the time she left. She breathed in the cool air and slowed to listen to the soft rustling of the leaves on the tree-lined path. She carried Railroad’s leash in case they ran into any early evening strollers, but she knew she wouldn’t need it. With a flick of her finger that a casual observer would have missed, Railroad fell in step, pasted to her left leg. Her rescued border collie mix was intelligent and eager to learn.

  She stopped to lean on the bridge railing that stretched across a tiny stream. She watched the water rush over the rocky bottom and felt the tension of her day dissipate. Another flick of her hand, and her dog sat at her side watching intently for any further commands. Jaylin had loved living by the water in St. Clair. She found the river’s consistency soothing. The flow only changed during the spring thaw in late February and early March, when the ice floes bumped and banged against each other in their race toward the lake. This wasn’t the St. Clair River, but it would do.

  Then there was Kristen. Jaylin turned away from the water and leaned against the rail. Kristen’s attentiveness, and her own reaction to it, unsettled her. She’d felt heard by Kristen, but she’d learned the painful lesson of offering her trust to the wrong woman once before. Sally’s name-calling, degrading, and lying had scared Jaylin, but when Sally had become violent, Jaylin’s instinct for self-preservation had kicked in. She ate until she tipped the scales at over two hundred and fifty pounds. It wasn’t the healthiest or most honest way to protect herself, but it had worked. Sally came home drunk from the bar one night, called her a big fat pig, slapped her in the face, and stormed out of their apartment.

  That was then, and this was now. Her relationship with Sally had awakened desires in her that had more to do with trust and love than sex, but she’d discovered Sally’s focus was control and emotional manipulation. She’d stayed with Sally even when the relationship had turned abusive, and that still frightened her. She’d convinced herself that Sally would change. That she could change her. She pushed away memories of the nights she’d spent crying herself to sleep while Sally lay passed out on the far side of their king-sized bed. At least she hadn’t turned to drugs or alcohol to try to escape, and she credited her sponsor in the twelve-step Codependents Anonymous group for her growing self-awareness. CoDA helped her deal with the insecurities that kept her in that dysfunctional relationship, but she was still too leery to consider getting involved with anyone.

  Jaylin began walking the day after Sally had left. She gradually built up the stamina to run and grew to enjoy the meditative state running provided. She ran for her life, away from the memories, and toward the woman she knew she could be. It took her a year to take off a hundred pounds, and she planned to stay in shape both physically and emotionally. No one was going to take that away from her. She’d never be taken advantage of again. Staying in total control meant keeping people at arm’s length, even if that meant she was lonely sometimes. It was worth the price.

  Chapter Eight

  Jaylin went in search of Kristen, through the throngs of spectators milling about the horse arena. She’d said she had an Appaloosa, but all Jaylin could see were chestnut horses. Her phone chimed a text message just as she began to wonder if Kristen’s event might be in another area.

  They moved our stump race to the ring at the back of the fairgrounds. Just in case you’re here. K

  She texted a response and walked past the crowd to a smaller arena behind the barns. She noticed Zigzag immediately. He looked like one of the smaller horses in attendance, but he was the only Appaloosa she saw. He must be Kristen’s. Even from a distance, she could tell he was solid muscle and striking. Like his owner.

  Kristen waved and smiled, and Jaylin ignored the flickering in her gut. She walked to the fence surrounding the arena and Kristen waved as she approached, leading Zigzag.

  “I’m glad you could make it. Did you have any trouble finding the fairgrounds?” Kristen asked. She wrapped an arm around Zigzag’s neck as he stuck his head toward Jaylin.

  “No trouble at all. It’s a big place. This handsome guy must be Zigzag.” Jaylin stroked his soft muzzle.

  “Yep. This is my baby.” Kristen patted him on the neck. “It looks as if they’re getting ready to start. I’d better get back there. Can I buy you an iced tea or something after the event?”

  “Sounds good. I’m going to grab a seat.” Jaylin indicated the rapidly filling bleachers behind her.

  “I’ll catch up with you later then.” Kristen grinned and mounted her horse.

  Jaylin watched them trot to the other side of the arena doubting she’d ever seen anyone sexier astride a horse. She turned to search for a seat on the benches.

  The match race involved three barrels set up on either side of a line on the ground with two horses and riders positioned beside each other facing opposite directions. The horse who got through the course first won the chance to race against the next winner. When a bell sounded the start of the race, they each sprinted around the barrels, mirroring one another’s pattern. The crowd cheered as the smaller pinto, ridden by a pretty blonde with her ponytail flowing out from under her hat, hurtled out his side of the course seconds before a stocky quarter horse.

  Kristen was up next. She and Zigzag were pitted against a lanky buckskin. Jaylin noted the buckskin’s longer legs, but that could mean Zigzag had the advantage of a tighter turning radius.

  The bell rang and Kristen was a blur as she and her horse negotiated the turns around each barrel. Jaylin was correct in her assumption. The taller horse was fast, but Zigzag was quicker and more agile. Kristen easily beat her opponent, and Jaylin clapped excitedly, overcome with unbidden pride.

  Two more riders finished the course, and it was Kristen’s turn again. Her opponent was the quick little pinto. Jaylin stood and cheered as Kristen and Zigzag charged around the barrels and exited a nose ahead of their competitor. Jaylin narrowed her eyes at the blond rider as she winked at Kristen and blew her a kiss before leaving the arena. Who’s that? Jaylin shoved away thoughts of Kristen having a lover. She’d never indicated she was involved with anyone. And it’s not my business if she is.

  One more horse to beat. Jaylin watched the palomino quarter horse prance toward the course. She was a beauty, but Jaylin’s money was on Zigzag. As they lined up, the tension in the crowd was palpable, and Jaylin sat on the edge of her seat while the horses took their starting positions. Jaylin wondered if Zigzag was tiring. The quarter horse got a fraction of a second head start on Zigzag, but that only seemed to spur him on. The muscles in his haunches bunched as he flexed his hind legs and propelled himself around the barrels. Horse and rider melded into one as they shot out of the course ahead of the palomino. Cheers erupted from the spectators, and Jaylin jumped to her feet and clapped wildly, her heart racing. Kristen grinned at her as she rode a victory lap around the ring. Grinning at me, you little blonde. Jaylin chastised her own pettiness at the thought as she made her way down to meet Kristen.

  “That was fun. Thanks for letting me know about this.” They sat at one of the concession stands with iced tea and lemonade after Kristen had taken care of Zigzag and accepted her blue ribbon.

  “It’s a fun event to ride in, too,” Kristen said.

  “How often do you participate in these, and is a ribbon all you win?” Jaylin looked over her plastic cup of iced tea, enjoying the sparkle in Kristen’s eyes.

  “That, and bragging rights. These events are just for fun for the locals. There’s no money involved. They have some sort of event every weekend throughout the summer. It’s not always a stump race. This was the first one I’ve tried. I usually just enter the barrel and keyhole
races. Last year we raced in five.”

  “Did you win them all?”

  “I’ve never cared much about winning. I do my best and try to beat my best score. If it turns out I defeat a competitor, so be it, but that’s not my focus.” Kristen finished her lemonade and rolled the empty cup between her hands, grinning but not making eye contact.

  “So you did win them all.”

  “We did. Zigzag is good and he loves it.”

  “Hey, Kris. Nice riding.” The blonde sauntered up and ran her hand down Kristen’s arm before she leaned down to kiss Kristen lightly on the lips.

  “Hi, Kelly. You did well out there yourself. Pogo looked great.” Kristen shifted in her seat and turned to make introductions. “Jaylin, this is Kelly. Pogo is the pinto that raced today.”

  “It’s good to meet you, Kelly.” Jaylin hoped her lie didn’t show on her face.

  “You, too, Jaylin. Do you ride?”

  “No. I just came to watch Kristen. We work together, and I wanted to see what this was all about.” Go away.

  “Well, I’m glad you came today. It was a good one to start the season. I have to trailer Pogo home. Will I see you next week, Kristen?”

  “I don’t know yet. I’ll see how the week goes.”

  “I’ll be looking for you.” Kelly leaned toward Kristen to whisper in her ear, and Kristen squirmed, clearly uncomfortable. Kelly grinned and ran her finger down Kristen’s cheek. She glanced up for a moment before she turned away. “Take care, Jaylin. Bye.”

  Jaylin watched her stroll away and took a deep breath. Time to go. “I think I’ll head home, too. I need to let Railroad out.”

  “I’ll walk you to your car,” Kristen said. She pulled out Jaylin’s chair as she stood.

  “You don’t have to. You probably want to get Zigzag home.”

  “He’s not going anywhere. He looked half asleep after I rubbed him down and settled him in a stall.”